Sep 03
One more crack and I’ll plaster you
Posted by admin Under Children Jokes on Monday Sep 3, 2007Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: One more crack and I’ll plaster you.
Sep 03
Little Susie’s Bike Ride
Posted by admin Under Children Jokes on Monday Sep 3, 2007The ol’ cowboy goes into a bar. He says everybody on his left is a no good
queer. Everybody on his right is a no good bastard. A hippy stood up and said,
“Wait a minute, I belong on the left side.”
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Bwa-hahah Mwahahah.
-What? You laughed at it.
Sep 03
ABC’s
Posted by admin Under Children Jokes on Monday Sep 3, 2007Little John and his classmates were learning the ABC’s and suddenly he had to
go to the restroom so he asked the teacher and the teacher said only in 1
condition if he said the ABC’s. So he said a b c d e f g h i j k m n o q r s t u
v w x y z and then the teacher asked were the “p” went and little John said
“down my pants”.
Sep 03
where did I come from?”
Posted by admin Under Children Jokes on Monday Sep 3, 2007Daddy, where did I come from?” the seven-year-old asked. It was a moment for
which her parents had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room,
got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought
she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproductions.
Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly. “Does that answer your
question?” her father asked. “Not really,” the little girl said. “Marcia said
she came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from.”
Sep 03
“Why do you say that?”
Posted by admin Under Children Jokes on Monday Sep 3, 2007I don’t think my mom knows much about children.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because she always puts me to bed when I am wide awake and gets me up when I
am sleepy.”
Sep 03
Daughter’s Prayer
Posted by admin Under Children Jokes on Monday Sep 3, 2007A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to
her six- year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?
” I wouldn’t know what to say,” replied the little girl.
“Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the woman said.
Her daughter bowed her head and said: “Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite
all these people to dinner?”
Sep 03
Little Kid’s Books
Posted by admin Under Children Jokes on Monday Sep 3, 2007Little Kid’s Books
‘You Were an Accident’
‘Strangers Have the Best Candy’
‘The Little Sissy Who Snitched’
‘Some Kittens Can Fly!’
‘The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion’
‘How to Dress Sexy for Grownups’
‘Getting More Chocolate on Your Face’
‘Where Would You Like to Be Buried?’
‘Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her’
‘The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North
Amer Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes!’
‘All Dogs Go to Hell’
‘The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking’
‘When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer They Say God Did It’
‘Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia’
‘What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?’
‘Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?’
‘Bi-Curious George’
‘Daddy Drinks Because You Cry’
‘Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver’
‘You Are Different and That’s Bad’
‘Why God Burned Down Disney Land’
Sep 03
Children’s Books That Didn’t Make It
Posted by admin Under Children Jokes on Monday Sep 3, 20071) You’re Different — And That’s Bad
2) The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
3) Robert: Dad’s New Wife
4) Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
5) The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
6) Kathy Was So Bad That her Mom Stopped Loving Her
7) Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence 
All Cats Go to Hell
9) The Little Sissy That Snitched
10) Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet be Friends?
11) That’s It; I’m Putting You Up for Adoption.
12) Grandpa Gets a Casket
13) 101 Things You Can Do at the Bottom of the Pool
14) The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15) Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear
16) The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17) Strangers Have the Best Candy
18) Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19) You Were an Accident
20) Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21) Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
22) Your Nightmares Are Real
23) Where Would You Like to be Buried?
24) You’ve Got Hepatitis B, Charlie Brown
25) Valuable Protein and Other Nutritional Benefits of Things from Your Nose
Sep 03
A Child’s View of Retirement
Posted by admin Under Children Jokes on Monday Sep 3, 2007After a Christmas break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their
holidays. One small boy wrote the following…
” We always used to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to
live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to
Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all
live in little tin boxes. They ride on big three-wheeled tricycles and they all
wear nametags because they don’t know whom they are. They go to a big building
called a wrecking hall; but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed because it’s
all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don’t do them
very good.”
“There is a swimming pool there. They go into it and just stand there with
their hats on. I guess they don’t know how to swim.”
As you go into their park, there is a dollhouse with a little man sitting in
it. He watches all day so they can’t get out without him seeing them. When they
can sneak out they go to the beach and pick up shells that they think are
dollars.”
“My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody
cooks, they just eat out. They eat the same thing every night, Early Birds. Some
of the people are so retarded that they don’t know how to cook at all, so my
Grandma and Grandpa bring food into the wrecked hall and they call it ‘pot
luck’.”
“My Grandma says Grandpa worked hard all his life and earned his retardment. I
wish they would move back up here, but I guess the little man in the dollhouse
won’t let them out.
Sep 03
Little Johnny’s Big Answer
Posted by admin Under Children Jokes on Monday Sep 3, 2007It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in the grades
and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of
this.
Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can
leave early today.”
Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and
will answer the question.”
Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”
Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”
Johnny is MAD that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”
Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”
Teacher: “That’s right Nancy, you may also leave.”
Johnny is BOILING mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would keep
their mouths shut!”
The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?!?!”
Johnny: “BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?”
