One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really
stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
”It’s supposed to be a tiger!” Sally cried.
”Honey,” said Dan, “Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!
Comments rss
TrackbackWhy doesn’t the blonde want to drink beer on the beach?
Because she doesn’t want to get sand in her Busch.
Comments rss TrackbackA blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female
boss who always goes home early.
“Hey, girls,” says the brunette, “let’s go home early tomorrow. She’ll never
know.”
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets
some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home
to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of
the house and returns at her normal time.
“That was fun,” says the brunette. “We should do it again sometime.”
“No way,” says the blonde. “I almost got caught.”
Comments rss TrackbackWhy do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to put their feet.
Comments rss TrackbackWhat kinds of people don’t get invited to blonde parties?
Women!
Comments rss TrackbackA blonde went to electronic store and she asked, “How much is is this TV?”
The salesman said, “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes.”
The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the
TV was. He said, “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes.”
The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the
TV was. He said, “Sorry we don’t sell to blondes.”
She replied, “I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I
am a blonde?”
“Because that is not a TV, it’s a microwave.”
Comments rss TrackbackDecember 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down
and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.
December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering
machine.
December 3
Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion a
cat-o-nine-tails. Flog gardener.
December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses me.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7
Debug Windows ‘2000
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Laid Faberge egg.
December 12
Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13
Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for
decorative pie crusts.
December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
December 15
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade “Holiday Scents” in case tires are
shot out at mall.
December 17
Child proofs the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
December 19
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be the same height
when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
December 20
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner’s sugar to add a
festive sparkle to the pasture.
December 21
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon
sticks.
December 22
Float votive candles in toilet tank.
December 23
Seed clouds for white Christmas. Festoon windows with worthless stock.
December 24
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute
Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they
really are.
December 25
Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented with homemade
potpourri.
December 26
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 27
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
December 31
New Year’s Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone
of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.
Comments rss TrackbackQ: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with
her pencil.
Comments rss TrackbackQ: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her
nametag)?
A: “‘Debbie’…that’s cute. What did you name the other one?”
Comments rss TrackbackQ: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: “What’s a light bulb?”
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, “Daddy!”
Comments rss TrackbackQ: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don’t know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
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