ByeBoring Jokes, Funny Audio and Videos

A man and his wife are driving down the highway having a fight over the
husband sleeping with another woman. The wife takes out a knife and cuts of the
mans penis and throws it out the window. The penis splats onto the windshield of
the car that is following and rolls off. The 14 year old girl riding with her
dad says “What was that Dad?” The father says “It was just a bug honey”. The
daughter replies “Wow Dad, that bug sure had a big dick”.

Two old drunks were lapping them up at a bar.

“Well”, says the first, “I’m just wondering how much stronger I’m gonna get!”

An old woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and she asks the bartender for a
scotch and two drops of water.

The woman replies, “Sonny, you learn that when you’re my age, you can hold
your liquor but you sure can’t hold your water!”

“My god! What happened to you?” the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on
a crutch, one arm in a cast.

“Aye, that I did — Mrs. Riley’s tit.” Kelly said. “And a beautiful thing it
was, but not much use in a fight!”

A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer,
he heard a soothing voice say, “Nice tie.”

“You heard me,” said the barkeep. “It’s the peanuts… they’re complimentary.”

A man is out, driving happily along in his car late one
Saturday evening. Before too long, the cops pull him over.

“No,” replied, the policeman, “You were driving splendidly.
It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away.”

A drunken guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks
her over.

He says, “You don’t feel so tough now, do you,Batman!?”

A drunk is taking a leak right on the street.
A policeman says to him:
- You could have done it behind the corner!
- My dick is no fire hose, you know?
An international competition for the title of the manliest man comprised three
tests. Every participant must:
1. Drink in one gulp a bottle of vodka;
2. Walk into a cage and shake hands with a female bear,
and 3. to make love to a woman from a remote Siberian village who never in her
life took a bath.
A Frenchman drank all of the vodka, and dropped dead.
An Englishman drank vodka, then walked into the cage, and dropped dead when he
saw the female bear.
A Russian drank vodka, and walked into the cage. There was a noisy commotion,
and then the Russian walked out of the cage, buttoning his pants, and asked,
“Where is the woman to shake her hand?”

Question: What to do if beer interferes with the job?
Answer: Get off the job.

After a holiday, workers were coming back to work, and those who had already
been inside the workshop, greeted every new arrival walking in with the same
question, “Hey, pal, how have your holiday been?” And everybody would answer
proudly, “It was a beautiful celebration. I don’t remember a thing!”

A man decided to leave work early and go drinking. He stayed at the bar until
it closed and by then, he was very drunk. When he got home, he didn’t want to
wake up his wife, so he removed his shoes and started to tiptoe up the stairs.

“Well,” she replied, “my first clue was when I got up this morning and saw all
the band-aids stuck to the mirror…..”