Free Jokes Funny Audio and Videos

The blonde says “From the picture on the box, it’s a
Tiger.”

The blonde’s friend figures that he’s pretty good at
Puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him
to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, and then studies the box.

He then turns to her and says: “First, no matter what I do,I’m not going to be
able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.
Second, I’d advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these
Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes back in the box.”Blondes Love Hunters.

“If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want? To go to and
why?”

After pondering the question she answered, “I would like to go to Mars,
because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra
terrestrial life on the planet.”

They said “well okay, thank you.” And told her that they would get back to
her.

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her same
question. In reply, “I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings.”
Again, “thank you” and they would get back to her.

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they
asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, “I
would like to go to the Sun.”

The people from NASA replied, “Why, don’t you know that if you went to the sun
you would burn to death?”

The robbery began. Judy drove up in front of the bank,
Stopped the car and said to Buffy, “I want to make
Absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of
the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you
Understand the plan?”

“Perfectly,” replied Buffy.

Buffy went in the bank while Judy waited in the getaway
Car. One minute passed…three minutes pass…seven
Minutes pass… and Judy was really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here came Buffy.She had a safe wrapped
up in rope and is dragging it to the car.

About the time she got the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst
open again with the security guard coming out. The guard’s pants and underwear
are down around his ankles while he was firing his weapon.

As the gals are getting away, Judy yelled, “You are such a Blonde! I thought
you understood the plan!”

Buffy said, “I did. I did exactly what you said!”

Underway, a flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, ‘Miss, I’m
sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you’re seated in first
class; I’m afraid you’ll have to move.’
The blonde replies, ‘I’m blonde, and I’m beautiful, and I’m going to New York
to be a model.’

Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the senior flight attendant.

The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says, politely,’I'm sorry,
Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you’ll have to move back.’

The blonde replies, sweetly, ‘I’m Blonde, and I’m beautiful, and I’m going to
New York to be a model’ — and shows no signs of moving.
Frustrated, the senior attendant informs the captain, and he says he’ll deal
with the problem. He turns over flight control, walks to the rear, and observes
the blonde seated comfortably in first class.

Approaching her with a smile, the captain leans over and speaks quietly into
the blonde’s ear. Almost immediately, the blonde gathers her things, gets up,
and moves quickly to the coach compartment.

The firemen yell to the Brunette, “Jump! Jump! It’s your only chance to
survive!”

The Brunette jumps and SWISHES! The firemen yank the blanket away…the
Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
“C’mon! Jump! You got to jump!’ say the firemen to the
Redhead.
“Oh no! You’re going to pull the blanket away!” says the redhead.

“No! Its Brunettes we can’t stand! We’re OK with
Redheads!”

“OK” says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The
Firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like
a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again,The firemen yell
“Jump! You have to jump!”

“No way! You’re just going to pull the blanket away!” yelled the Blonde.

“No! Really! You have to jump! We won’t pull the blanket away!”

“Be more precise,” he said. “So I can help you, try pointing to some of the
places that hurt.

The silver-haired doll put her finger on her arm and said, “Ouch!” then her
finger to her hip and said, “Ouch!” and then to her rib cage and said, “Ouch!”
again.

The doctor stopped her and asked, “Were you a blonde before your hair grayed”?

“Why yes!” she said excitedly, “But how did you know?”

He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.” She looked at him, Puzzled, and said
“T-G-I-F” again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, “S-H-I-T.”The blonde was trying
to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said, as sweetly as
possible, “T-G-I-F” another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a Quizzical expression,
“S-H-I-T.”
The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she
said, “T-G-I-F,Thank Goodness it’s Friday, get it?”

One day, an old lady, a brunette, and a blonde happened by the mirror. The old
lady looked in it and said, “I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world.”
ZAP! The mirror sucked her in and she was gone.

The brunette looked in and said, “I think I’m the most
Beautiful woman in the world.” ZAP! The mirror sucked her in and she, too,
disappeared.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own
alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, is my guest. Maybe
You’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching
herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young
woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a
huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the
creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying
nearby were several more of the dead creatures.