ByeBoring Jokes, Funny Audio and Videos

Every philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room; Marxist
philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, but the cat isn’t
there; Soviet philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, the cat
isn’t there, but you keep shouting “I’ve found it! I’ve found it!”

A dejected Communist Party candidate trudges home after the polls close. “So,
Marek, how many votes did you get?” asks his wife. “Two,” he responds. She slaps
him hard across the face. “What was that for?”

“You have a mistress, now do you!!?”

A Russian party-official arrives late at night to his hotel (in Russia). He is
not surprised to find that his reservation has been mislaid but he is more than
a little peeved that his status in the party isn’t enough to get him a good room
anyway. However, the clerk insists, the only bed they have left is the fourth
bunk in a 4-bed dorm - he’ll have to make do with that. The Russian grumbles but
eventually he picks up his suitcase and heads for the dorm. On his way, he meets
a chamber-maid and thinking he might as well try to make friends with his
room-mates, he asks her to bring them four cups of tea.

As he enters the dorm, he finds that the other three guests are Polish, they
are having a fairly wild party and they’re very drunk. They also ignore him
totally from the moment he enters. After sitting there for several minutes, he
realizes he can’t stand them anymore and decides to pull a joke on them. He
stands up, grasps a floor lamp and speaking into the light-bulb as if it were a
microphone he says: “Comrade Colonel, we would like four cups of tea to our room
immediately!”

The Poles stare at him in disbelief, which turns to horror as
the chamber-maid knocks on the door and delivers the tea a few minutes later. In
about 30 seconds the Poles have all packed their bags and fled the hotel. Our
Russian gets the entire room to himself. He sleeps very soundly. The next
morning, however, as he’s checking out and is about to leave, the desk-clerk
calls after him: “By the way, Sir, the Comrade Colonel said to tell you he
appreciated your little joke last night!”

Little Boy: What will communism be like when perfected?

His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, “No one needs
meat today.”

A young member of the German communist party went to his senior comrade with a
strange request: he wanted permission from the Party to emigrate to West
Germany. (It is only with the permission of the Party that people are allowed to
leave East Germany. Often it is “granted” as a method of eliminating people
with inappropriate attitudes.)

“Well, good, sir: but that brings me to my main reason….”

One night, Erich Honnecker was in the bedchamber having some pillow talk with
his mistress. He was in a magnanimous mood and offered her a present of her
choice. She thought about his offer for a moment and then replied, “Oh, Erich,
if there is one thing I would like you to do for me, it is this: open the
borders just for one day.” Honnecker said, “Of course, my dear,” but was a bit
puzzled by her request. He asked, “But why would you have me do such a thing?”
The mistress replied, “I want to be alone with you.”

One sunny day on the North Sea a creative little boy was playing in the sand
trying to decide what to make. He discovered some Scheiss (you can guess what
that is) on the beach so he decided to make a VoPo (People’s Policeman). Just as
he was finishing, along comes a VoPo, trying to make sure no one swims to
Denmark. He decides to ask the little boy what that ugly thing made of Scheiss
is. The little boy responds: “It’s a VoPo!” So the officer beats him.

The day after that, the officer is strolling the beach, sees the boy playing
just with sand, and is glad to see he has switched his medium. So he asks boldly
“what are you making today?” The boy responds: “A G.I.!” The officer asks: “And
why not a VoPo?” The boy responds: “Couldn’t find any Scheiss.”

What is 150 yards long and eats potatoes?

A Moscow queue waiting to buy meat.

What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada User’s Manual?

The bus and train timetables.

What do you call a Lada on a hill?

A bloody miracle.

Heard about the new German-Chinese restaurant?

The food is great, but an hour later, you’re hungry for power.