Free Jokes Funny Audio and Videos

Heard about the new German-Chinese restaurant?

The food is great, but an hour later, you’re hungry for power.

Q: Have you heard about the new German microwave ?

A: It’s got ten seats inside.

Q: Why don’t Jewish cannibals like eating Germans?

A: They give them gas.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a German?

A: A Beaner-Schnitzel

Do you know why Germans build such high-quality products?

So they won’t have to go around being nice while they fix them.

An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty
of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is.

What’s meant by an exchange opinions in the Communist party of the Soviet
Union?

It’s when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave
with the party’s.

Three prison inmates were locked in the same cell; they soon began talking.
“What are you here for?” asked one inmate of another. “They put me in for
beating up some old Jew named Khaimovich,” snarled one man. “And why are you
here?” asked the second of the first. “For having defended some old Jew named
Khaimovich in a fight,” he replied. “And what were you arrested for?” the third
inmate was asked. “For being Khaimovich,” he sighed.

Erich Honnecker (the president of East Germany) was invited to Moscow by
Gorbachev for a visit. After weeks of preparation by Gorby, Honnecker arrives in
Moscow. As part of the celebration activities, there is a big parade through the
streets of Moscow. While the two are watching the parade, Gorbachev takes a
small boy aside and asks him, “Who is your mother?” The child replies, “Mother
Russia.” “And who is your father?”, asks Gorbachev. The boy answers, “Why, its
you Uncle Gorbachev!”. Finally Gorbachev asks the boy, “and what do you want to
be when you grow up?”. The boy proudly replies, “a good communist!”.

Erich Honnecker, meanwhile, has been watching this and is very impressed. So
impressed, that he decides to invite Gorbachev to [East] Berlin for a visit.
Again, after weeks of preparation, Gorbachev’s plane lands in Berlin. And again,
part of the celebration includes a parade. Remembering what Gorbachev did in
Moscow, Honnecker repeats the scene: He asks a little boy in the crowd, “Who is
your mother?” The child replies “the GDR [German Democratic Republic - East
Germany].” “And who is your father?”, asks Honnecker. “Why, its you Uncle
Honnecker!”, replies the child. “And what do you want to be when you grow up?”
queries Honnecker. Without hesitation, the boy replies “an orphan.”

1. Know your great-grand-dad was a thieving bastard that no civilized nation
on earth wanted.
2. Fosters Lager.
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years
because you think it belongs to you.
4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket.
5. Tact and sensitivity.
6. Bondi Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals (politicians only?)
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach.
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.